How family violence affects babies and children

Babies and children who live with family or domestic violence can experience physical, psychological and emotional harm. With the right support, children and families can heal, recover and build a safe and nurturing future. 

Accessing support early can make a positive difference to recovery and resilience. If you or someone you know is experiencing family or domestic violence, support is available. Reaching out for help is a positive step towards safety and wellbeing. You do not have to face this alone. 

Family violence refers to behaviours that a person uses to control, harm or intimidate another person. It can affect people of any age, income, sexuality, social background, culture or religion.

Family violence can involve partners, ex-partners, parents, siblings, carers and other extended family members. Family or domestic violence can affect children because they may live with uncertainty and fear.

Many parents do their best to protect their children from family violence. However, children can still be affected, even when parents try to shield them from what is happening. Recognising the impact of family violence and seeking support can help families move towards safety and wellbeing.

Children may experience family violence in different ways, including:

• hearing hurtful words, threats or aggressive behaviour
• seeing or hearing conflict, arguments, crying or yelling
• witnessing someone being harmed or being harmed themselves

How does family violence affect babies during pregnancy?

Family violence can also affect babies before they are born. If you're pregnant, physical violence can cause injuries to you and your unborn baby. It can also increase your stress levels, which may affect your baby’s growth and development.

Ongoing stress during pregnancy can affect how your baby's brain develops. It may also affect how your baby responds to stress and feels calm and safe after birth.

Family violence during pregnancy is also linked with babies being born too early (premature) or being smaller than expected.

Family violence can cause physical and emotional harm to children. This can show up in different ways. It may affect their:

• emotions 
• behaviour
• social and general development
• education

Family violence can also affect a parent’s emotional wellbeing and increase stress, affecting the quality of the early parent–child relationship and bonding. Family violence may make it harder for a parent or carer to respond consistently and sensitively to a child. 

Babies and toddlers may:

• be unsettled at times, which may affect their sleeping, feeding or crying patterns
• be more sensitive to changes around them, or seek extra comfort from trusted adults
• show less interest in familiar people, toys or activities than usual
• find it difficult to play or interact with others
• need extra support with their development or wellbeing

School-aged children may:

• find it harder to manage their emotions and feelings
• have difficulty concentrating or focusing
• not want to attend school
• withdraw from friends or social activities
• return to behaviours they had when they were younger, such as bedwetting or not wanting to go to sleep
• experience physical signs of stress, such as headaches or stomach aches

It’s a common response for children who have been exposed to family violence to feel scared and angry.

If you are worried about a child that may be exposed to family violence, read about signs that a child may be experiencing abuse.

Remember that if you are experiencing family violence, it’s not your fault. The person who is being violent is responsible for their actions and the harm they are causing.

Support your child

Talk with your child about what is happening in an age-appropriate way. Give them space to ask questions and share their feelings.

Reassure them that the violence is not their fault and it is not their job to stop it or keep others safe.

Help your child feel safe by providing warmth, routine and reassurance. Support from trusted adults can also help them feel safe.

Plan for safety

Think ahead about steps that can help keep you and your child safe, such as who you can contact, where you can go and what support is available.

Support services can help you create a safety plan that suits your situation.

Get support

If your child is struggling with their feelings, behaviour, sleep or relationships, consider seeking support.

You can talk with your doctor, child health nurse, school support staff or a family violence service. They can connect your child with services that understand the effects of trauma and can provide the right support.

Some signs that a child's parent may be experiencing family or domestic violence are that they may:

• appear quieter, fearful or anxious around their partner
• mention that their partner frequently checks in on them or monitors their phone calls, messages, emails or online activity
• share that their partner regularly criticises, controls or puts them down
• seem to prioritise keeping their partner happy to avoid conflict
• have unexplained injuries, bruises or other signs of harm
• become less connected with family, friends or their support networks, or have fewer choices about where they go or who they spend time with 
• have limited access to money, or have little say in financial decisions

Some people experiencing family or domestic violence may also change how they dress or present themselves to hide injuries or avoid questions. For example, they may wear clothing that covers their body in warm weather or use makeup or sunglasses to cover bruises.

If you notice these signs in someone you know, listening without judgement, offering support and helping them access support services can make a difference.

If you think an adult is experiencing family violence, speak with them when they are by themselves. Speak to them in a safe place with enough time for a chat.

You may not be able to help much straight away but keep offering support. Let them know you believe them, want to help, and are also concerned about their safety and the wellbeing of their baby or child. Show them that there are support service options. If you feel comfortable to do so, you can suggest that you go with them to access support if they would like you to.

It’s important to support the parent who is experiencing the abuse. You can help them if you are a grandparent, friend or community member. Supporting them will also help their baby or child.